my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
