It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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