you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
