the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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