He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
