he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
