remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
