Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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