Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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