He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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