Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
two words: eviction party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
