That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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