your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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