we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
