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Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
