speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
