and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
