i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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