My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
