She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
