I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
