you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
