I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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