She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
