Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
