It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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