he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can I color on your dick again?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
