i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
