Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
