I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
