apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
