Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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