he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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