The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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