Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
