is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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