Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
