Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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