Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
