Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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