I wanna passion pit in your ass
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
