Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
