Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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