dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
