Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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