i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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