ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
