Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
