It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
