I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
