I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
PANTIES FOUND
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