Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
