I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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