We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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