I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
