If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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